AP: Associated Alternate Press

Growing tired of covering the real world, the AP is making moves to become the leader in alternate history reporting. While many have pointed out unofficial attempts to make the jump in the past, I believe that this is the first officially-recognized article in the press agency's 2005 agenda, tentatively titled the Alternative Timelines Initiative:

NEW YORK - Just think: Instead of exposing Janet Jackson's breast at the Super Bowl last Feb. 1, what if Justin Timberlake reached across her chest, fumbled with Jackson's top and .... The stitching holds! There is no malfunction!

That means no national discussion of showbiz morals, no drastic tightening of FCC restrictions — but the fallout is just as serious.

It goes on from there. Read it all, and just try to tell me that the AP is not insane.